TIPS & TRICKS

The Long Goodbye Podcast: Tips & Tricks from our conversation with  Rosemary Quatrale from Jewish Family Service, SLC

CONSISTENCY Make a plan and stick to it when possible

COMMUNICATION Logic doesn’t work.  Give choices and compassion.  Please don’t treat your loved one like a child, instead treat them as you would want to be treated if roles were reversed–with patience

DIRECT EYE CONTACT (often people with dementia lose peripheral vision and can’t see sideways very well).  Face to face.  Speak slowly, patiently and quietly

REMINISCE Reminiscence Therapy: talk about childhood, watch family movies or movies that they love, look through photo albums

NO QUIZZING There are NO wrong answers for someone with dementia. Just go with it

USE CREATIVITY. The emotional and creative part of the brain is still there

SET A FULL APPOINTMENT Specifically talk with the doctor about cognitive decline, there is not enough time during a regular check up

CONSIDER TALKING TO THEIR DOCTOR PRIVATELY It’s difficult for the doctor to recognize early signs of dementia in a short appointment. Share specific details about any changes. Print out and hand your questions, concerns or “care plan” to the care team at appointment (if you can’t talk to the doctor privately in person, then try email, messaging or a phone call–you can always inform them even if the doctor can’t respond due to HIPPA rules) 

DON’T OVERTHINK THE “STAGES” it’s basically early, middle (ALMOST ALWAYS MIDDLE), and late 

LOOK OUT FOR WORD SUBSTITUTIONS or descriptions for common words. This can be an early sign of cognitive decline (ie: “drink machine” instead of coffee pot)

BENCHMARKS ARE ALL BASED ON SAFETY (To answer a common caregiver question, with no easy answer, regarding caring for a loved one with dementia, “how will I know when to do_______(hire a caregiver, look into care centers, take away the keys, etc, etc?”) It’s time to make changes when your loved one’s safety is at risk. Try to avoid the “what if” mind set. “You’ll know when you know.”

ARM YOURSELF WITH SELF CARE TECHNIQUES to prepare for the long journey

-go on long walks

-listen to podcasts 

-meditate

-journal

STAY CONNECTED WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY Make it a priority to talk with others. Schedule walks with friends or to talk on the phone

PRACTICE PATIENCE Avoid rushing your loved one 

STEP INTO THEIR WORLD  This can’t be emphasized enough. When you are with someone with dementia, it is important to step into their reality

SIT CALMLY WITH YOUR LOVED ONE As hard as it is with our busy schedules, sometimes just sitting and “being” with someone helps to de-escalate difficult situations. Family, friends, or a hired companion can help

AVOID CORRECTION Validate instead of correct 

HOLD HANDS or give a good foot rub.  Calm words and a listening ear can work wonders and provide comfort

MUSIC Play music and sing together.  Some people who lose words due to dementia can still sing their favorite songs. Music can often light them up from the inside out

DANCE TOGETHER this is a good trick to guide loved ones into the shower and to encourage their activities of daily living when they are avoiding it

MAINTAIN YOUR INTERESTS and doing things you love. It can rejuvenate you

MAKE A LIST OF YOUR TEAM people who are willing to help. Write a list of daily tasks that might lighten your load (ordering groceries, taking out trash, bringing in mail). Don’t hesitate to accept help. You don’t have to do this alone!

MAKE A DE-ESCALATION LIST with two columns: one list of things that de-escalate your loved one with dementia and one that helps de-escalate YOU

BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF Recognize that roles have changed